Saturday, January 26, 2013

Dartmouth sheds AP credit after psych evaluation

File:Dartmouth College shield.svg

Dartmouth Professor: No.  I can’t give you credit for taking an Advanced Placement course.

Student:  Why’s that?

Dartmouth Professor:  We have done extensive research that shows that Advanced Placement Psychology testing does nothing to measure up to the mighty exams at Dartmouth.

Student: Um, you do realize that I took AP Psychology over two years ago in high school.

Dartmouth Professor:  And you have learned nothing!

Student:  But you are allowing me place in higher level class anyway? 

Dartmouth Professor:  Shush boy!  It is not your place to question the antics of Big Green.  You will pay and obey.

Student:  Where the hell is the Zeta Psi house?  I need a drink. 

Before the Dawes Act and the Indian Assimilation Schools of the late-1800’s, there was Dartmouth; a Puritanical institution whose primary function was to bring the pagan Native Americans right with the Lord in hopes to improve their chance of going to heaven by living miserable existences.  Looking to continue the values of screwing over generations of non-Puritans (secular and religious), Dartmouth has decided not to accept Advanced Placement test scores as credit worthy; thus making sure that people’s experience at the home of Big Green continues to be miserable as well as long.  

Apparently the Psychology Department administered exams to students who received  a “5” on the AP test and most of the students failed.  Dartmouth then used that study as the primary reason that they dumped college credit for the tests, even though AP tests for different subject matters are totally, well, different.  Oh, but you can still be placed in higher level classes if you did well on the AP exams because obviously you know just enough to qualify for a higher level class.  That makes perfect sense.  By the way, this is the exact reason why Animal House was a parody of, you guessed it, Dartmouth. 

I would go into really insane detail on why this policy is kind of idiotic but right now my cats need my attention, and they are ten times more cuddly than some idiotic administrator at Dartmouth who really thinks this isn’t about screwing kids out of tens-0f-thousands of dollars of tuition.  Because we all know that a freshmen survey course of anything at Dartmouth is far superior than anything that an Advanced Placement high school class could replicate.  I mean, they are an Ivy League institution, not some West Virginia University knock-off that is a booze induced pipeline to Goldman Sachs.

Unless it is.

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