Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Sir Spam-a-lot

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A teacher at our school has been sending out various e-mails to everyone on the school server.  Some are complaints, some a "inspirational" stories, some are wisecracks, you get the idea.  They occur about once a week.  On a day that that had received an ridiculous amount of crap on my e-mail server, I received another "inspirational story" from the teacher.  I wrote back and asked that the teacher stop sending spam.  The response I got was this:

This is a story about four eMailers named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody all send SPAM.

Well…

There was some interesting SPAM to be sent. Everybody was sure Somebody would send it. Anybody could have sent it, but Nobody sent it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could send it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t send it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody sent what Anybody could have sent.

The moral of the story: Somebody sends email to other teachers and Anybody with a little training can send email. Everybody can send “non-spam” emails, but Nobody trains them and there is no faculty lounge to communicate with each other so Mr. Somebody gets an email that Nobody qualifies as SPAM except Mr. Somebody. Now Nobody would bring Mr. Somebody’s name into this logical story except Mr. Somebody sent SPAM to Everybody, explaining he does not have time for Anybody’s SPAM which is quite illogical; sending SPAM when Nobody, including Mr. Somebody, has no time for SPAM. Wow, imagine that!

Everybody and Anybody would stop sending SPAM if Mr. Somebody would show us how a positive, encouraging teacher letter is SPAM. Since Anybody can send emails and Nobody teaches the difference between SPAM and non-SPAM, I can promise nothing to Anybody, Everybody, Somebody, and Nobody (including Mr. Somebody).

Onward Everybody.

PS. I heard Mr. Somebody got a can of Spam wrapped as a present. Everybody who sent the present signed it. Nobody told me it was going to happen, and I am hurt because Anybody could have brought this present to my attention and let me sign it with Everybody… Oh well, Nobody to blame. (Smile Mr. Somebody. Anybody needs to lighten up a little especially when Everybody is working so hard, Nobody is taking time to smell the roses, and Somebody like our colleagues are watching/reading… Everybody needs to teach Mr. Somebody about the little "X" icon which translates into "delete.”)

If you haven't figured it out, I am "Mr. Somebody", and yes, a group of teachers gift wrapped a can of SPAM and gave it to me as a way of saying "chill out". 

This is an example of the technological divide that is evident in our school.  People that are new to e-mail don't realize that people that have been using it for 13 years can get irritated after going through meaningless correspondence over and over and over again.  I read three dozen teacher blogs a day, trust me, I know something about inspirational teaching.  I don't need e-mails of chain letters that I saw years ago about stories that are old news to inspire me.   

And for those techies that say "What about the e-mail filter"?  Can't filter in district e-mail (I believe)?  That means that while I get to smell the roses, I have to smell the crap too.

Finally, a little definition:

Spamming is the abuse of electronic messaging systems to indiscriminately send unsolicited bulk messages.

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