Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The State of the Union Highlights Analysis, the 2007 Edition

I didn't get to see the State of the Union address this year, due to the basketball game I was attending (16-4, JV Boys). Fortunately, the wife Tivo'd the SOTU and I had the chance to take a look at George giving lip service to the nation. Last year we had some choice cutsfor your viewing pleasure. This year, I'm back for more fun and joy. But before you read on, check out a neat interactive graphic from the New York Times that tracks the words used and how often they were uttered from this year, and past years, SOTU speeches.

Highlight #1

Well, this is the last time you will ever see the President of the Senate and the Speaker of the House smiling at the same time. In fact, Dick doesn't seem very interested. All of those that are really interested in politics are begging for Nancy Pelosi to swing her gavel over the head of the President, then tackle Cheney in a steel cage death match situation. It never happened, but it was fun hoping.

Highlight #2

Apparently Alberto Gonzales is the one cabinet member that is being held over in order to protect the Presidential Line of Succession. I'm getting this image of Gonzales hiding out in some cantina in the Southwest Texas, kinda Quintin Tarintino style. Actually, I would love President Alberto to take power. He'll pardon Lindsey England, buy a couple more guard dogs, and the crime rate will take a skydive.

Highlight #3

Jesus, it's always the underclassmen that act like sluts. Freshman Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann couldn't stop groping the President while he walked to the lecturn, until finally the Commander-in-Chief smooched the hoochy. Holy God woman! Calm down!

Highlight #4
First, we must balance the federal budget. We can do so without raising taxes. What we need to do is impose spending discipline in Washington, D.C. We set a goal of cutting the deficit in half by 2009, and met that goal three years ahead of schedule. Now let us take the next step. In the coming weeks, I will submit a budget that eliminates the federal deficit within the next five years.

Does anyone realize that the money that is allocated to the War in Iraq is not budgeted in the regular federal deficit numbers? We are going to fight a war, and not raise taxs. We are going to get health care, and not raise taxs. We are going to fix Social Security, and not raise taxes. I would like to find a way to get rid of the economic advisors to this clown, and not raise taxes.

Highlight #5
Five years ago, we rose above partisan differences to pass the No Child Left Behind Act, preserving local control, raising standards, and holding those schools accountable for results. And because we acted, students are performing better in reading and math, and minority students are closing the achievement gap.

Although NCLB might have helped with a little accountability, the rest of this whole issue is dead wrong. Local control is non-existant (no funding, a million unfunded mandates), raising standards (100% competent in 7 years? sure), holding school accountable (holding them slaves to idiot parents who sign their kids out of tests to sit at home or protest the fact that they are illegally in the country). Let me know when the real education reform happen. Oh, and stop this crap about school choice. Fix the ones you have, asshole.

Highlight #6
First, I propose a standard tax deduction for health insurance that will be like the standard tax deduction for dependents. Families with health insurance will pay no income on payroll tax -- or payroll taxes on $15,000 of their income. Single Americans with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $7,500 of their income. With this reform, more than 100 million men, women, and children who are now covered by employer-provided insurance will benefit from lower tax bills. At the same time, this reform will level the playing field for those who do not get health insurance through their job.

Sure, this is really going to happen for long. Great idea to stab Congress by going after a tax deduction on massively priced healthcare. Then you put the pressure on Congress to pass a bill that won't ever get done, or will be a joke by the time all amendments are attached, then blame Congress for the problems. Or you just pull the same "go hydrogen" act of a few years ago, and ignore it.

Highlight #7
Let us build on the work we've done and reduce gasoline usage in the United States by 20 percent in the next 10 years. (Applause.) When we do that we will have cut our total imports by the equivalent of three-quarters of all the oil we now import from the Middle East.
Hahahahaahah. Sure you will. And once again I'm assuming that all these tax cuts will go right into the funding source for alternative energy research. Until you put a tax on gas, you might as well buckle up and enjoy the ride. By the way, I believe that we could actually do it. But I have no illusions that anyone is going to have the balls enough to enact such a serious program.

Highlight #8

The Shia and Sunni extremists are different faces of the same totalitarian threat. Whatever slogans they chant, when they slaughter the innocent they have the same wicked purposes. They want to kill Americans, kill democracy in the Middle East, and gain the weapons to kill on an even more horrific scale.
Actually, they want to kill each other more than any of those things. Let them have their civil war?

The rest wasn't really full of highlights because it took him 3/4 of his speech to finally get to the main issue of the day, Iraq, and besides that, he inspires no sense of resolve or optimism in about 75% of the country.

Mission failed.
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